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Forum: General Discussion

Topic: the big Jewish holiday

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Cinco de Mayo , is coming up and I'm getting ready for the party

once again this year my buddy the great guitarist steve goldstein , keeps insisting that it's not Jewish , but he can't fool me anymore ....

Steve always comes to my big parties , and last year he came in second at the feats of strength at the festivus party .....he did a tremendous throw of the can of spam , nearly hit the fence .......

anyway my good bud Goldburglar keeps saying that barbecuing matzos and drinking Modelo isn't Jewish but he'll come anyway ??

last year a lady friend told 'im that even if he was culturally challenged like that , to just go along cuz Chuck ( usually she calls me Chuck ) likes to do cultural shtuff like that with his friends .... which was nice of her to tell Goldschmuck that

anyway steve keeps insisting that I mangle names and must have a screwed up calendar ??

he's always messin' with me ....lol

 
发表时间 Tue 29 Apr 08 @ 10:09 am
Damn chuck I needed a laugh this morning
 
I don't understand why we are celebrating a condiment anyway? Aren't ketchup and mustard jealous? Pickles deserve a day as well......Life is so unfair, I guess Kermit was right..It's Not Easy Being Green......
 
exactly ..... WHO CARES if there's 5 mayos .....??
 
How many mustards are there??...Mustard even has its own gas!!!
 
at least mustard gas is important !

i don't think it'll replace ethanol , though
 
I don't know Chuck..I heard rumors of a mustard gas powered car designed by Tesla, the scientist not the band, that was destroyed by the big auto makers in Detroit. (They hated anyone who thought outside the box, ask Tucker) Imagine that...yellow gas coming out of tail pipes...Plochman's and French's rolling in the dough....
 
Chuck you are a funny mutha pucker, you need meds, but you are funny.
 
they asked me at the club to not do my " tips for better sex " announcements anymore ?? i don't get it , i'm always concerned about my customers

When we started free hoagies at lunch , i announced hoagies 'n hooters ......then i thought oh so cunnilingly , what if the customers were confused about which is which ??? so i helped 'em out by informing them that if you bite a hoagie , you won't get kneed in the groin ......so if you got kneed in the groin , that was , in fact , a hooter ......see ?

another fine example is i noticed salsa and chips on the buffet , and then shortly thereafter a dancer was talkin' at me about her KY warming jelly .....

see where this is going ? you do ? yer very sick .....

anywhoo , you don't wanna confuse salsa and the KY either ......especially since when i dipped chips in the KY it tasted like sh!t .........see ? so don't keep 'em both in the fridge
 
chucknorrisyouwimps wrote :
they asked me at the club to not do my " tips for better sex " announcements anymore ?? i don't get it , i'm always concerned about my customers


Thats you all over the place Chuck..thinking of others..looking out for those who can't help themselves.....wait a tick, strip club?? Can't help themselves?? Well, not that way at least.......
 
thanks Teary .......i mean , i could understand if i was taking up some controversial position about , say , abortion or something , but i'm just dishin' out some good practical pointers ! right ? sheesh......
 
it's times like this where i like to remind myself , life is like a bbq'd matzoh ...... ya know ?
 
Thx Chuck, loosened up my funny bone :-D
 
yesterday i took a lovely lady friend to the Charlie Brown's Steakhouse nestled in the rolling hills and verdant valleys of flatulent Maple Shade , NJ ....

i was asked did i want anything to drink while i decided on my order , so i got a Corona ...... they bring out this bottle with this colorful thing on it , and i said what's that , it looks kinda Mexican ???

the waitress says it's a skirt and it is mexican ?????

my beer gets a SKIRT ????? and it's Mexican , not Jewish ??? holy comoly ......
 
No offense Chuck...I would rather your beer wore a skirt than you.....
 
Now the question is - Did you have to put your hand up the beers skirt to drink it?
 
WOOHOO!!!
Now, two of my most favoritest things can be found in a skirt.
Preferably neither are wearing panties.
That's nickers to you sods in the UK.
 
fatkatzdj wrote :
Now the question is - Did you have to put your hand up the beers skirt to drink it?


Is this an anatomically accurate beer? "Excuse me for being indelicate Miss Corona, can you show us where it was exactly Chuck Norris touched you on this doll?" I can hear the investigating officer in my head as we speak....
 
i fondled my beer knowingly and she was frigid

welp , the big holiday is here , i hope you guys enjoy even if yer not Jewish
 


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